Vault Tec   All about the Kinder™
I am the CEO/Co-founder of E29 Incorporated. I've been in the software industry for ten years now, have experience in about ten different computer languages, and once wrote a 60,000 line web application in three months without caffeine. I really wouldn't want to do that again.
Read more about me here, stalker.
 
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A useless update!

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Yay, I haven’t updated in forever. I’m redoing the blog and will replace it sometime when I get anything resembling free time.

So here’s a useless update instead!

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Water. Lots of water

2. Where was your profile picture taken?
Oh yeah.. forgot I took this from Facebook.. My FB pic is at the Citizant awards banquet.

3. Can you play Guitar Hero?
I play the real guitar.

4. Name someone who made you laugh today?
My co-worker Jeff

5. How late did you stay up last night and why?
Played some Dragon Age until 10:30ish, read until 11:30ish, then chatted with Christy in bed until 12:30ish

6. If you could move somewhere else, would you?
We’re moving to Ashburn, so yeah.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Yes

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you on FaceBook?
Christy lives pretty close :P

9. Do you believe exes can be friends?
Maybe in high school, not so much anymore.

10. How do you feel about Dr. Pepper?
Its really not as great as the Dr says.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
When I had the flu in March 09, I had a fever around 103 and started shaking uncontrollably in the car. Then started crying uncontrollably. I thought I was going to die

12. Who took your profile picture?
Bill Johnson from Citizant.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Christy

14. Was yesterday better than today?
Yeah, we got a lot done yesterday (packing, packing, more packing)

15. Can you live a day without TV?
I’m one of those guys that doesn’t have TV so I can tell everyone that I don’t have TV. But yeah, I haven’t had “TV” for six or seven years.

16. Are you upset about anything?
Not really. I wish our home water didn’t taste like rancid cockroaches. You pay $1550 a month and can’t drink the water, you’d think we live in SoCal :P

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Would you like to die old and alone in a box surrounded by cats? No? Then relationships are worth it.

18. Are you a bad influence?
I’m a great influence.

19. Night out or night in?
I got all my party hardy out years ago, I like staying at home.

20. What items could you not go without during the day?
Wallet, iPod, various notepads.

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
Christy, when she tweaked her ankle.

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
“ok”

23. How do you feel about your life right now?
Its all clicking into place finally.

24. Do you hate anyone?
Nein, I can’t be bothered to be interested enough in the person in the first place.

25. If we were to look in your FaceBook inbox, what would we find?
Spam

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
With flying colors.

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Heh, I doubt it.

28. What song is stuck in your head?
Caress Me Down by Sublime.

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
Someone who enjoys the taste of 7.62×51 FMJ’s

30. Wanna have grand kids before you’re 50?
No

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow.
I’ll be at Oracle Federal all day tomorrow.

32. Do you think too much or too little?
Too much.

33. Do you smile a lot?
Half and half.

34. What sorts of things do you collect?
Video games, guns and interesting beer :P

35. Do you like your job?
Fuck yeah!

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Settling the Dispute once and for all

It’s been a while since Leah Culver called me out on my own blog and pointed out that she was more internet famous than I, and I haven’t forgotten about it.

Not one to pass up a good opportunity to whore more results on Google, I present the end of the Adam Kinder v/s Leah Culver popularity contest: Your move beotch!*

*Not a scientific poll of any kind. Results may be inflated due to the awesome English footballer that stole my name.

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If Fox Nation were a real nation, part 1: The Beginning

I’ve oft spent countless hours at night, rolling in fitful sleep, imagining what kind of nation TheFoxNation.com really would produce if you took the userbase and staff and allowed them to actually take over the US and deport all us “unAmerican commies”.

Thankfully the real America in no way resembles the frightening dystopia of the Fox Nation. For the sake of shits-n-giggles, I’ve modeled a nation from birth to maturity using the commenter’s own beliefs and assuming that it would be a majority opinion. Read more by hitting the link below:
(more…)

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McDonald’s genius new weight loss plan for Republicans

McDonalds has, for whatever reason, opened a website honoring African-American heritage in the US. Obviously nothing wrong with that, unless you are an esteemed intellectual at TheFoxNation.com. The title of the news story: “McDonald’s Launches Black web site” :P

But, let’s consider the comments on the story for a moment. I think that McDonald’s has found the solution to Neo-con obesity! Take Loyal Footsoldier SashaH40 for example:

I just sent an email to McDonald’s corp. Expressing my disgust with this web site and will no longer go to their establishment. I hope others do as well.
http://www.mcdonalds.com/contact/contact_us.html

Out of the fifty or so comments as of this posting, a majority are calling for boycotts, some are pointing out how TheFoxNation now resembles StormFront ( a white power group ), and a few are making the typical “hahah KFC gold chains dumb black people” jokes. Fox Power commenter “Kenyan Chronicles” ( how cute ) even found this SHOCKING clue:

Check out their CEO–(black) and gave $30,000 to odumbo —-Enjoy those big-macs!

McDonald’s CEO is black!!! Stop the presses!!! A BLACK MAN IS A CEO!!!!

Now then, for those of you wondering how this relates directly to Republicans, consider the following obesity graph:
Uh oh, ain't lookin good for the Bible belt

Now overlay that image with the following elections results for 2008:
Oh nelly!

And you get the following statistical breakdown:

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Before I get accused of censorship

There was a very good criticism of my methods used to show how the Pontiac G8 didn’t stand up to the BMW when using a M5 ( something more in the same class as the G8 ).

Just in case the commenter comes back and finds his comment deleted, I did not intentionally delete the comment just because it was critical of something I wrote. In fact I have never deleted a legit comment on this blog, even the ones calling me a douchebag/fag/tard/etc. I was flipping through the “New comments” pane hitting ‘Mark as spam’ on all the spammers and accidentally the whole legit comment :P

What the comment said was basically that comparing a 2005 M5 to a brand new car isn’t the proper way to “reset the bar”, and that the Pontiac G8 in the commercial versus the 550 is actually the G8 GT, not the G8 GXP.

While this does change the atmosphere of the G8 v/s BMW 550 argument, it still doesn’t come out in Pontiac’s favor.

The G8 GT *is* better priced, nearly $20k cheaper. And the 0-60/quarter mile numbers are in a dead heat with a BMW 550. However, Pontiac still has just wasted a colossal amount of money trying to go after a market that has no interest in its products.

A person shopping for a $45k-$55k luxury car is not going to cross shop for a $35k-$45k sports car and vice versa. The BMW 550 ( and 5 series in general minus the M5 ) is not even sports minded, and has never been regarded as “sporty”. The 5 series was to fill the gap between sports racer 3 series types and 7 series executive types. What came out was a luxury saloon that would respond at the gas pedal.

Even resetting the argument back to G8 GT versus 550 in terms of engineering puts the BMW miles ahead of the G8 GT.

The GT has the same huge engine with the same absurd power loss. Instead of the 6.2L ‘vette engine that the GXP got, the GT has a 6L that can only push out ~310hp to the wheels versus the 550’s 4.8L that is pushing out ~325 at the wheels. Honestly if they want to declare this as an engineering victory, that 6L behemoth should be running all over the smaller 4.8L in the BMW.

Instead you get performance numbers that are equal, and in most cases slightly in favor of the 550 ( 5.1 0-60 for the BMW versus 5.3 for the GT ).

And in the number that counts, skidpad rating, the 550 pulls around 0.03-0.04 more g than the GT.

But all these numbers mean nothing. The cold hard fact is that Pontiac shoved money into the G8 and an advertising program that went after a superior car and car company, and was promptly skewered in the market. The G8 was one of the worst selling investments in Pontiac history, and production has been cut by 97% as Pontiac starts to pull out the lifeboats. The G8, much like Pontiac, makes a lotta noise, and brings nothing to back it up.

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Best. Dream. Evar

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So I had this awesome dream last night, and actually remember the whole thing.

Zed Shaw created an international company called, naturally given Zed Shaw’s ego, Zed Shaw International Inc. The company’s sole purpose was to create ebook PDFs, print and sell them to developers. He had approached Andy, Chris and I to get TehDev articles for reprint, and arranged for us all to fly to HQ in Europe.

Oh yeah, one weird thing about this dream was that Chris actually was my co-worker Steven.

For some odd reason that I can’t remember, Chris/Steven and I ended up missing the flight. Andy called from the plane and let me know that it would be making a touch-an-go stop at the next airport, so we went racing down this four lane highway with the plane right above the car.

Suddenly the plane nosedives and tries to make an emergancy landing on the highway right in front of us. Unfortunately they land a bit too hard, the tires go flying off the plane and it skids across eight lanes of traffic, killing all kinds of people.

As the police show up, Zed Shaw comes to the wreckage and presents evidence that Andy, Chris/Steven and I sabotaged the plane. Chris/Steven is deported to China ( where Steven actually is from ) and is publicly executed for helping crash the plane.

I was sent to a “camp” for adults where all you do is play shotgun tag with these odd, painful barrel clip shotguns.

While hanging out in the camp, I get a package from Andy containing some chipsets, a Skype phone and a soldering gun. The instructions inside told me to activate the phone and save the boards.

After activating the phone, Andy called and told me what he had found out. Apparently Zed Shaw sabotaged the plane and set us up to take the fall so he could gank all our TehDev articles and not have to pay for them. He also wanted us out of the way because we were all superior programmers. Sweet.

The flaw in his plan was that while he was able to make Chris/Steven and I miss the flight, Andy had gotten on and was presumed dead. Being the super genius that he is, Andy had spent the time in hiding, building…. A TIME MACHINE. Sweeeeeet.

Thus the circuit boards with the phone. The schematic that was included allowed me to modify the phone in order to receive calls from Andy’s special headset when he went back in time. Back to the year 1946. Back in time in order to.. wait for it…

Kill Zed Shaw’s dad and cause Zed Shaw to not exist

From here the dream became awesome, and way too long to try and detail out. Basically Andy went back to 1946 and started setting traps for Zed Shaw’s dad to fall into. Unfortunately the first attempt took out a random stranger, who ended up being the father of the owner of my eye doctor office, which instantly caused my eyesight to worsen and made it impossible to see.

The second attempt he accidentally took out GW Bush’s grandfather and caused the entire US to change. The third attempt was the charm: setting a piano up 5 stories and dropping it on Zed Shaw’s dad. Mission Accomplished.

Chris/Steven instantly reappeared, I ended up suddenly on a golf course in Florida wearing coke-bottle glasses, and Andy became the millionaire owner of Andy’s International Inc.

Best. Dream. Evar.

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Foxedy

Foxedy – The act of unknowingly transcending satire by becoming a blind parody of oneself. See Fox News & TheFoxNation.com

Use it, spread the term! Help me take over the world!

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Michelle Malkin must be joking

On cue, MM is blaming Obama directly for the NY flight thing. She had the nerve to post this blurb, the irony is just delicious:

Using military resources for a cheap photo-op. Scaring the pants off the public. Exploiting 9/11 imagery for self-aggrandizement. Keeping secrets and causing mass panic.
Um, can you imagine if a GOP administration did this?
Can you imagine?!

There are just no words. Apparently the last eight years are a happy void in her mind.

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April 15th Protest Aftermath

As hard as they tried, the April 15th anti-Obama tea parties just didn’t achieve that goal of being ‘non-partisan’ and a ‘grassroots campaign’. According to Michelle Malkin, the protests were about American’s being fed up with high taxes, even as 90% of the crowd protesting were receiving a tax cut courtesy of the stimulus plan.

Michelle’s adorable readers shared their stories of heroics and oppression from the protests, like this gem from chotii:

Lots and lots and LOTS of cars honked and waved and thumbs-upped. The guys driving big rigs (garbage trucks, 18 wheelers, UPS-sized vans and so forth) seemed to be uniformly glad to honk their approval. Even one public bus driver did!

A lot of people tried to pretend we weren’t there. The people in hybrids and SmartCars seemed especially likely to try to make believe we didn’t exist.

OMG those hippies in hybrids and Smartcars, who are receiving tax breaks and spending less on gas, didn’t notice a couple of hundred people standing around on the sidewalks and parroting GOP rhetoric? Shame!

Of course the entire thing was non-partisan and just about taxes. It was covered evenly across media outlets and definitely was a grassroots campaign. /sarcasm

I mean, let’s look at how the media reported on the protests:

• Fox News Corporation — 133 mentions( Over Fox News and Fox Business )
• CNN — 36 mentions
• MSNBC — 32 mentions
• HLN — 24 mentions
• CNBC — 17 mentions

Definitely no hidden agenda there right?

Or let’s look at some of the corpor… sorry I mean lobbyist… wait, sorry I mean grassroots supporters of the Tea Parties and I’ll even use the Conservapedia.com definition (when available ) so I’m not accused of being an evil liberal!:

  • American Family Association: The American Family Association or AFA is a non-profit conservative Christian organization that believes in protecting family values through consumer activism.
  • Freedom Works: FreedomWorks is a conservative non-profit organization based in Washington D.C., United States.
  • Americans For Prosperity (AFP) is a Washington D.C.-based political advocacy group which describes itself on its Web site as “… an organization of grassroots leaders who engage citizens in the name of limited government and free markets on the local, state and federal levels.”Who sponsors RightOnline, which helps show conservative bloggers how to harness the web to win people to their cause. Which, as a sidenote, nothing wrong with that.
  • Sen David Vitter (R), who is sponsoring a bill to recognize the protests and declare April 15th as National Tax Protest Day. Yeah, seriously.

ThinkProgress has a list of the politicians who jumped on the opportunity to speak at the protests, and I’m happy to report that they are from both sides of the issues. Oh wait, nope, they’re all beltway Republicans. My bad.

But ThinkProgress is an evil liberal website, so I’m sure there were *some* Democrats in attendance that actually *are* upset by the stimulus plan and taxes.

As far as the attendance numbers, it was pretty good. No official headcount, but the estimates are around 500-1500 persons per protest, with ~2000 protests across the nation, putting the total around 1-3million people participating. Without discrediting the turnout, Fox News is calling it “Mission Accomplished” on the Fox Forum, Michelle Malkin calls it “MASSIVE” and “historical” in her posts.

That must mean when the anti-war protests broke out in 2003 that Michelle, Fox, FreeRepublic et al were astounded by the 20 million persons in 800 cities across the WORLD protesting?

hahahaha yeah, sorry. When The anti-war protest happened in DC in 2007, FreeRepublic reported how “low” and “thin” their numbers were at 25,000 attendees. Which happens to be about 25 times the amount of tea-party goers that showed up in DC. 25,000 = thin, 1,000 = massive. If that is how they are with numbers, I don’t think any one of ‘em has a better idea on how to fix the economy.

Conclusion
Ok enough of the snark, in all seriousness, I am GLAD that so many people turned out and coordinated these events. I’m glad that a portion of the protesters had best interests at heart and are honestly upset about how our government has been run, not over the past three freakin months, but DECADES.

At the same time I’m ashamed that right-wing pundits and politicians had to overshadow the protests and turn them into same-old beltway Obama bashing, and equally ashamed of the simpletons that were at there to protest a man and not an errant idea, policy, or even entrenched system.

Regardless of political affiliation, American’s coming together and protesting is EXACTLY what this country was built on, and I hope to see more of it. I may not agree with the partisanship that the GOP and it’s guard dogs pushed on the protests, but I can agree with the sentiment and ideals that the protests stood for: that Americans are finally getting involved and will let their gov’t know when they aren’t happy.

Hopefully that’s something that people on both sides of the aisle can agree with.

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Four Year Anniversary

Went out to Del Rio with my lovely wife and had some good ole Mexican food to celebrate our four year anniversary. Got a few pictures up right here.