Petition for teflonbob to write his Epic

A bit of non-news first: Stephen King came out and said Stephanie Myers is a shitty writer.

In the reddit thread that followed, teflonbob came up with a hilarious plot for a book:

That could be the premise for Kings next novel, a post-apocalyptic world where Meyers, Rowling and King each control a faction in the burnt out wastes of America. Meyers rules the tweens and 40 somethings, Rowling rules the pre-tweens and King has a raging horde of twenty-to-forty-somethings which ravages the country side and occasionally raids civilization.

…

I can see it now..
“Who run muggle town?”
“ROWLING RUN MUGGLE TOWN!!” – proceeded by JK Rowling ripping the head off of a Meyers’ follower.

…

Phillip K. Dick unfortunately dies in a firefight soon after the bombs drop. Before he died he took out numerous FBI and CIA agents who were at the time tracking him (he was right all along!)

Terry Pratchet, Margrett Weis, Tracy Hickman, Richard Knaak, R. A Salvatore and the re-animated corpses of H.P Lovecraft and J. R. R. Tolkien find refuge up in the free-states of Canada. Piers Anthony lived with them for a short time however he was kicked out because his Xanth series was just too wierd for even a group that lived with two re-animated corpses. They are guarded around the clock by fanatic fanboys (and fangirls) who fancy themselves druids in a system reminiscent of LARPing.

Arthur C. Clarke (who had faked his death in 2008 to join Stanley Kubrick on the monolith circling Saturn) returns to Earth to teach the wasteland children the fundamentals of survival in a scene very reminiscent of the 2001:Space Odyssey ape scene in Africa.

Douglas Adam’s left years ago with the Dolphins and thus was unaffected by the chaos. Upon hearing about the decimation of Earths civilizations he simply states ‘Took long enough, but now where am I going to get a good cup of tea?’

…

I would but it would only end up being some wierd hybrid of a biopic fanfiction that would never see the light of day. It would be reviled by millions and adored by only a small cabal of readers on 4chan and maybe an irc newsgroup.
Just by the authors involved you know that in one chapter you would find out there was a secret romance before the ‘end time’ between two of the ‘Author Overlords’ and that child is the rightful heir to not only one but two of the ‘Provinces of the Book.’ King’s royal tabbard would have either a car or a tower silhouette. Rowlings would be a lightning symbol or a wand while Meyers would be a set of vampire fangs or a tear drop (or perhaps a slashed wrist.)
Ugh, this shit just rights itself when it comes to a lot of these authors. :\

I think teflonbob should get on this, I would definitely buy it. I would say “If he doesn’t, then I will and give him credit”, but I don’t know enough about each of authors to make it convincing.

Seriously, “ROWLING RUN MUGGLE TOWN!!” made me choke on my coffee.